Minister: Sir Humphrey. Where have you been for the last few weeks?
Sir Humphrey: I’ve been negotiating with Whitehall on your behalf, Minister.
Minister: Excellent, Sir Humphrey. So we’re ready to announce the details of the Elco?
Sir Humphrey: Not exactly, Minister, no. There are a few small problems remaining.
Minister: Look, Sir Humphrey, I’ve promised this to people. I promised it to the electors, and I promised it to my party. I promised to announce it in the spring, and it’s now summer. I’m coming under increasing pressure for an early announcement. Your last little suggestion of announcing the extension of existing powers to 57 more bodies backfired rather badly. People noticed that it was the same announcement made by my predecessor – and that we hadn’t actually done anything in the last twelve months.
Bernard: But Minister, it’s only the second time that we’d announced that change. We normally announce things at least three times before actually doing anything.
Sir Humphrey: Thank you Bernard. Minister, we just cannot get my colleagues, I mean the other Ministers, to agree to your proposals.
Minister: Why not? What’s the problem?
Sir Humphrey: Well, it’s the question of extending the law into the private sector, Minister. If you could just remove that little requirement, we’d be able to move ahead with an announcement almost immediately. Otherwise it is likely to take many more months of discussion.
Minister: But then it would be meaningless!
Sir Humphrey: Of course not, Minister. The Assembly would then have the right to make laws on the matter any time it wished - it would just be a matter of staying within current constraints, for the time being.
Minister: So we could pass any laws we liked, as long as they didn’t go further than the current one?
Sir Humphrey: Precisely, Minister. But it would enable you to act now, given the impending changes.
Minister: Impending changes? What impending changes?
Sir Humphrey: There is talk, Minister, of some changes in ministerial responsibilities.
Minister: You mean a re-shuffle? I hadn’t heard that.
Sir Humphrey: Not necessarily a re-shuffle, Minister. Just a few minor changes. But an early announcement would be advisable.
Minister: What’s behind this talk?
Sir Humphrey: Oh, I don’t know exactly; there has been some mention of an event at the Qumrani embassy, that's all that I've heard. But an early announcement, with a more restricted scope, would also allow me to devote my time to other pressing matters.
Minister: What other ‘pressing matters’?
Sir Humphrey: Well, Minister, I hadn’t mentioned this before, but I’ve been thinking that it would be a good idea to organise a fact-finding mission for you. To let you see the way in which other countries promote their lesser-used languages.
Minister: What would that entail, exactly?
Sir Humphrey: Well, Minister, I thought perhaps Canada to study the experience of using French; Catalonia, the Basque country, maybe Sardinia, and Switzerland to look at the use of Romansch. But I really couldn’t organise such a trip and continue negotiating the Elco at the same time.
Minister: And Brussels, maybe? I like Brussels. And they have some language issues.
Sir Humphrey: I’m sure that we could fit that in, Minister.
Minister: I see. And if I agreed to a more restricted scope for the Elco at this stage, we could always come back to it in the future?
Sir Humphrey: Certainly, Minister.
Bernard: Well, your successor, in any event.
Minister: And use the experience of the fact-finding trip as additional evidence?
Bernard and Sir Humphrey: Yes, Minister.
Showing posts with label Heritage bunker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heritage bunker. Show all posts
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Friday, 8 February 2008
From the Heritage Bunker (Episode 6)
Minister: Ah, Sir Humphrey. I don't quite understand what we're doing about the establishment of a daily newspaper in Welsh.
Sir Humphrey: What exactly do you not understand, Minister?
Minister: Well, the group which has been working on the project for some years says that it will take at least £600,000 a year to get it up and running, yet the statement that you gave me to read in the Assembly says we’re only making £200,000 available.
Sir Humphrey: Indeed, Minister. But you will remember that we commissioned an independent consultant to report on the situation, and he raised a number of doubts about the business plan.
Minister: The consultant only told me what you had told me already.
Bernard: That’s what consultants do, Minister. They come and talk to the people involved, listen to what they say, and then write it down and report back to us.
Minister: So why have a consultant at all?
Bernard: Because people believe what an expert says, whatever it is.
Minister: If there are doubts about the business plan, I still don't understand how giving them only a third of what they asked for solves the problem.
Sir Humphrey: We’re not giving them anything, Minister. We’re making a sum of money available to anyone who can make a success of the project. There could be all sorts of other people interested, and competition for the funds will bring forward more realistic business plans.
Minister: So are there really other people interested, who could do it for even less than people who have spent years researching the project?
Sir Humphrey: Highly unlikely, Minister.
Minister: So what have we achieved?
Sir Humphrey: Well, Minister, you have honoured the pledge you gave when you entered government, that you would make money available for a newspaper.
Minister: But we don’t know that there will even be a newspaper yet.
Sir Humphrey: Of course not, Minister. But you didn’t say you would establish one, just that you would make funding available. And you have.
Minister: But the funding probably isn't enough.
Bernard: Probably not, Minister, but you’re already saved £400,000, and if no-one can do it within the funds available, you’ll save another £200,000.
Sir Humphrey: Bernard! Look on it as a process of negotiation, Minister. They asked for at least £600,000, and you have suggested that someone else will do it for £200,000. I'm sure that they'll come back with a revised business plan somewhere in between, and we'll eventually come to some sort of agreement. The first bid is always for more than really needed.
Minister: But isn't there a danger that we will have an unrealistic business plan to match the amount of money available, which simply means that the project will get into financial difficulties?
Sir Humphrey: Almost certainly, Minister. That’s the way of things. In a year or two’s time, they’ll be in deep trouble, and will come to you looking for a rescue package.
Minister: So I’ll be the Minister who oversees the setting up of a newspaper. And I'll also be the Minister who rescues them when they get into trouble! Just like with the Millennium Centre and the Botanic Gardens?
Sir Humphrey and Bernard: Yes, Minister.
Sir Humphrey: What exactly do you not understand, Minister?
Minister: Well, the group which has been working on the project for some years says that it will take at least £600,000 a year to get it up and running, yet the statement that you gave me to read in the Assembly says we’re only making £200,000 available.
Sir Humphrey: Indeed, Minister. But you will remember that we commissioned an independent consultant to report on the situation, and he raised a number of doubts about the business plan.
Minister: The consultant only told me what you had told me already.
Bernard: That’s what consultants do, Minister. They come and talk to the people involved, listen to what they say, and then write it down and report back to us.
Minister: So why have a consultant at all?
Bernard: Because people believe what an expert says, whatever it is.
Minister: If there are doubts about the business plan, I still don't understand how giving them only a third of what they asked for solves the problem.
Sir Humphrey: We’re not giving them anything, Minister. We’re making a sum of money available to anyone who can make a success of the project. There could be all sorts of other people interested, and competition for the funds will bring forward more realistic business plans.
Minister: So are there really other people interested, who could do it for even less than people who have spent years researching the project?
Sir Humphrey: Highly unlikely, Minister.
Minister: So what have we achieved?
Sir Humphrey: Well, Minister, you have honoured the pledge you gave when you entered government, that you would make money available for a newspaper.
Minister: But we don’t know that there will even be a newspaper yet.
Sir Humphrey: Of course not, Minister. But you didn’t say you would establish one, just that you would make funding available. And you have.
Minister: But the funding probably isn't enough.
Bernard: Probably not, Minister, but you’re already saved £400,000, and if no-one can do it within the funds available, you’ll save another £200,000.
Sir Humphrey: Bernard! Look on it as a process of negotiation, Minister. They asked for at least £600,000, and you have suggested that someone else will do it for £200,000. I'm sure that they'll come back with a revised business plan somewhere in between, and we'll eventually come to some sort of agreement. The first bid is always for more than really needed.
Minister: But isn't there a danger that we will have an unrealistic business plan to match the amount of money available, which simply means that the project will get into financial difficulties?
Sir Humphrey: Almost certainly, Minister. That’s the way of things. In a year or two’s time, they’ll be in deep trouble, and will come to you looking for a rescue package.
Minister: So I’ll be the Minister who oversees the setting up of a newspaper. And I'll also be the Minister who rescues them when they get into trouble! Just like with the Millennium Centre and the Botanic Gardens?
Sir Humphrey and Bernard: Yes, Minister.
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